Lockdown chat

By Pat Coughlan
I WAS talking to my friend Jimmy during the week.

Like everyone he’s obeying the instructions and staying at home. He goes down only to the shop once a week.

He hasn’t had a haircut since it started and is beginning to look like yer man from Back to the Future.

“Fair dues to ya,” I said. “Ah its only for the cans of beer I’m getting to like that one from Spain I can’t think of the name of it now me head is addled I’m not getting a good night.
“Why is that?” I asked.

Well I have a theory Jimmy said. Now Jimmy’s theories are legendary like the time he said you could reduce unemployment by employing real live people as scare crows in the fields.

Anyway, I wanted to hear this one to tell the lads in McCarthy’s shed. That’s where we go with a few slabs of beer and the odd bottle of poteen since the pubs closed.

Well says he, I think that the cause of it is the barber.

“Why the poor barber,” says I.

Well says he, as you will notice I haven’t had my hair cut in a while now, he’s gone back to Turkey.

“My long hair is tickling the pillow and the pillow does not like it and kicks back so I turn on the other side and now the pillow is getting tickled in a different place, so it kicks back.

Jimmy brushed his hair back and exhaled sharply so I had to pull the Aran jumper I was wearing up over my nose.

Them Aran jumpers are great masks. Sure, if the Clancy Brothers wore them in all those foreign places, they must be good.

Anyway, I digress, sorry. Jimmy having given the matter some thought said: “Now I don’t blame the pillow. After all it needs a good night’s sleep too.

Looking at me in the way a cat would when trying to decide if you are a clever human or an eejit. Cats prefer eejits.

“Would you cut my hair for me,” Jimmy says.

Now I was stuck for an answer.

Then it came to me straight from that man that does the telly advertising, sorry Jimmy but I haven’t been to Specsavers recently.

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