Furthermore
Gerry Moran
I swear I never touched her breasts – let alone rubbed them. I’m talking, of course, about the statue of Molly Malone, Dublin’s famous fishmonger, and the furore over tourists rubbing her bust. That said I have to confess that I did rub a statue once. A statue of a male. Of a saint actually. And what part of his anatomy did you rub, Gerry? His toe. His big toe.
Now it’s not every day of the week that one gets the chance to rub a saint’s toe but that’s the opportunity that befell me on my summer holidays, many years ago, and I grabbed it, not with both hands, but with one. Rubbing a saint’s toe with one hand is one thing, rubbing it with two might seem overzealous. Not that the saint would have minded as he had been dead for more than 1,000 years. The saint in question was the 10th century Bishop, Saint Gregory of Nin, whose monumental statue stands in the town of Split in Dalmatia in southern Croatia.
The towering statue of Saint Gregory is a major tourist attraction and tradition has it that if you rub the statue’s toe you’ll be granted a wish. That toe, almost the size of a fist, was well and truly burnished over the years from thousands of tourists rubbing it. Just like Molly Malone’s bust. Typical tourist – I gave St Gregory’s big toe a right good rub and made a wish. The wish was simple: Saint Gregory, give us some sunshine, please. The missus and myself had gone to Split for some relaxation and some sun. What we got was thunder and lightning, torrential rain and, just for good measure, a small earthquake in nearby Bosnia!
I obviously rubbed Saint Gregory’s toe up the wrong way as the rain never fully abated and the sun only shone sporadically. A few days after my first rub of the toe I found myself standing at Saint Gregory’s statue once again. To be honest I was a bit cross with Gregory as it was still raining. As I stood there watching tourist after tourist rub Gregory’s toe I took a look at his other toe (the left one). Sure enough it looked dull and neglected.
And that’s when I had a little brain-wave or let’s just say a thought. I decided to give the other toe a rub, and make another wish. And why not? Why should one toe get all the attention? Imagine having some reflexology and only one foot gets massaged. I tell you, your other foot would feel mighty put out. And this is where this toe-rubbing got rather interesting. My second wish on rubbing the second toe, went as follows: Saint Gregory, this is a long-shot, you are not acquainted with my country, my county, and our culture, but would there be any chance of you putting in a good word that Kilkenny might do the fabulous four-in-a-row in hurling? (the All Ireland final was around the corner and Kilkenny’s chance of doing the famous four-in-a-row).
Now Gregory, and forgive the familiarity, I know you haven’t a pup’s notion about our national game of hurling but this is important to the people of Kilkenny. More than important. Gregory you let me down on the weather, but I don’t care if it rains till Christmas if you could grant the people of Kilkenny this wish. And he did. So, Kilkenny’s magnificent, and historic, four-in-a-row was all down to our brilliant squad of hurlers, Brian Cody, Martin Fogarty, Michael Dempsey and Saint Gregory’s big toe. His other big toe. And you better believe it.
And now I’m wondering what people wish for when they rub Molly Malone’s bust?
Staying with bishops, after attending a conference on Honesty & Truth, four bishops shared a train compartment. They agreed to confess their weaknesses to each other. “I’m way too fond of the drink,” said one. “I can’t stop gambling,” admitted the second. “I’m always flirting with women,” said the third. And now all eyes were on the fourth bishop. “I’m an incurable gossip,” he said.
