FURTHERMORE
By Gerry Moran
It’s that time of year, folks, Cat Laughs Comedy time. Time for a chuckle or two. Here are a few jokes that hopefully will engender a giggle. Apologies if you’ve heard them before – but, even if you have, feel free to chuckle or giggle … again.
An elderly lady and elderly man are standing outside the travel agents looking wistfully at the offers on view. The owner sees them, goes out and says: ’”Folks I have had a bumper season and I’d like to give something back to the community. Could I interest you in a cruise around the Mediterranean, all expenses paid?”
They gladly accepted. “Be here next Wednesday with whatever you need and I’ll look after everything.” And he did.
Three weeks later he sees the elderly lady standing outside the window again. He goes out and asks how she got on. “It was absolutely wonderful,” she replied, “the weather was marvellous, the food was great and the staff couldn‘t have been nicer. Thank you so much. Oh, there was just one small thing – who was the elderly gentleman I shared the cabin with?”
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An elderly Italian man went to confession. “Bless Me, Father for I have sinned. During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis.
“So I hid her in my attic.”
The priest: “That was a wonderful thing you did, no need to confess that.”
“There’s more, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours several times a week.” The priest said: “That was a long time ago but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are forgiven.”
“Thank you, Father. I do have one more question.”
“And what is that?” asked the priest.
“Should I tell her the war is over?’’
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A husband had finished reading a book entitled You Can Be THE Man Of Your House. He stormed into the kitchen and announced to his wife: “From now on, you need to know that I am THE man of this house. You will prepare me a sumptuous meal tonight, and after dinner you will draw me a bath, wash my back, and towel me dry. Then you will massage my feet and hands. And tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”
The wife replied: “The undertaker would be my first guess.”
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While creating husbands, God promised women that good husbands would be found in all corners of the world. And then he made the earth round! God… He’s such a kidder
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Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be-opened store. which wasn’t quite ready yet. One said to other, “I bet any minute now some senior is going to put his head in the door, and ask what we’re selling.” Sure enough a curious local walked in, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked: “What are you selling here?”
One of the men replied sarcastically, “We’re selling idiots.”
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said: “Must be doing well…only two left.”
Seniors – don’t mess with them!
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Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO who was determined to rid the company of slackers. One day the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall casually scrolling through his mobile phone. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. “How much money do you make a week?” he asked the young guy. “I make $400 a week. Why?” The CEO said: “Wait right here.” He came back and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said: “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT.” Feeling good about himself the CEO looked around and asked: “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”
A voice piped up: “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”
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When asked in a quiz to name the mythical creature that is half man and half beast, the contestant confidently answered: “Buffalo Bill.”
