Little bodies need play, not stillness
By Judith Ashton
Last week I wrote about kids fidgeting which led me to think how we can help them self -regulate so that they can calm down and learn to relax and relax to learn. I’m not just thinking here about small kids…this concerns teens as well and most of us adults too! All of us need to know about self-regulation so that despite living with so much stress in the world, we can stay grounded and regain our inner equilibrium whatever is going on around us. We can stay centred “in the eye of the storm!”
I have spoken to about 20,000 kids in the last few years and so many of them have never been properly taught how to appropriately express their emotions. I know that so many people reach adulthood and are not emotionally literate.
All people, every “physical” body, regardless of age, gender, colour or ability have feelings….and as Freud pointed out most of these are learned responses, unconsciously laid down, before we are 4 years old.
Many people are simply reactive when it comes to expressing themselves and we have a duty of care towards our kids to teach them effective communication skills and self- regulation as early as possible.
Children need to know that we all have the whole range of feelings and that feelings come and go. Feelings are like clouds in the sky and they change all the time. Happiness comes and happiness goes. Anger rises and anger subsides. This is an unconditional truth. The reality. The way that it is.
We can all feel happy one minute and sad the next and the most important thing to do with feelings is not to judge them, hang on to them or over identify with them, but to talk about them, express them with movement or channel them in some way. The more kids can talk about them, channel or move with them, the less likely they are to get stuck in negative reactions.
Kids can be taught to identify and then name their feelings by learning how to check in with their bodies. Does the body feel tight or tense? Is it a pleasant feeling like excitement or an uncomfortable one like fear? Is there a way we can encourage them to help the feeling /sensation move through the body by doing something expressive, like taking some deep breaths or stamping their feet? These are very simple ways for them to start a self-regulation practice.
Movement and breathing practices are invaluable ways of helping the nervous system rebalance. These days many people find great benefits from yoga, t’ai chi, martial arts, exercise, dance or sports. These disciplines are ancient and have numerous health benefits. Our modern medical science (which is only a couple of hundred years old) had arrogantly dismissed these approaches until relatively recently. We need to humbly learn from Ancient Wisdom cultures and traditions. They have so much to teach us.
Our Elders or so called, grandparents, if they have time and patience, can be great teachers. Self-regulation involves slowing down…..slowing the breathing and finding something calming to do.
We can help our struggling kids who are trying to navigate society’s complex demands by teaching them skills like yoga, meditation, how to enjoy a good book, building Lego or creating something, jigsaws, knitting, playing chess or a musical instrument etc. Anything that needs quiet focus, so definitely not screens which can over-stimulate the nervous system. As The Buddha said, “ Sit quietly and the grass grows by itself.”
Did you know, slowly swinging on a garden swing, in the fresh air has many health benefits as it can slow both breathing and heart rates?
Whatever self-regulation practice someone can adopt from a young age will stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives. Everyone needs to learn self-regulation in order to be a well-balanced person who can communicate effectively. Such resources are essential life tools, vital for skilful communication within families, intimate relationships, friendships, at work and in the wider world of negotiations and politics.
Talking about feelings and practising self- regulation are essential for positive mental health and self-esteem. Such skills enable us to cope in our world where good, truthful inter-personal, political and global communication is vital for all of us. Most important of all, they help us find peace and happiness in our lives.
