CHOICES SHAPE YOUR FUTURE
By Judith Ashton
I recently wrote about the pressure that seems to descend upon students as exams approach. Suddenly, their lives feel as though they have been reduced to memory tests of quotes, facts and figures. Months, sometimes years, of learning are crammed into a few hours at an exam desk, with an hour or so to justify their existence.
For some, exams are a challenge to be met. For others, they are full of anxiety, expectations of parents, teachers and, perhaps most stressful, expectations placed upon themselves.
It’s important to remember that an exam result is a measurement of a performance on a particular day. It is not a measurement of a person’s worth, especially if they are having an “off “day.
A young person who achieves top marks has done well and deserves to celebrate. But so too does the student who struggled through anxiety, worked incredibly hard and achieved results that may not reflect the effort they put in. The student who did not get the hoped-for grades is definitely not a failure.
It’s a mistake to confuse achievement with worth, especially if we ask students about their results before we ask them how they are feeling. It’s easy to celebrate top marks but less easy if results disappoint. Unintentionally, we can send the message that some young people are more successful, more intelligent or more valuable than others, when this is absolutely not true.
Such qualities as curiosity, imagination, resilience, compassion, practical ability and emotional understanding can never be measured by exams or grades.
Some of the most capable people I’ve met are not necessarily the ones with the academic qualifications, far from it! They are the people who can listen when someone is hurting. They are the ones who know how to make someone laugh when they feel miserable. They are good at fixing things, can grow vegetables, care for an elderly parent, build a business, create something beautiful or bring people together.
Perhaps one of the most important things we can teach young people is that failure is not the opposite of success. Failure is often part of it. J.K. Rowling was rejected by 28 publishers before one believed in Harry Potter!
Exam results might close some doors but might occasionally open entirely unexpected paths.
Life unfolds in mysterious ways and not according to a carefully marked exam paper. As for me, I’ve changed directions, survived stupid choices, stumbled and picked myself up, fallen in and out of love and discovered many wonderful things precisely because of mishaps and mistakes along the way.
The pressure surrounding exams can make young people believe that they must have their entire future mapped out before they even know who they really are. At eighteen, nineteen or twenty, it’s unrealistic to make decisions that supposedly determine the rest of one’s life. With hindsight, adults know that life is far less tidy than that.
People retrain, change careers, return to education, transform and discover completely different versions of themselves by not getting stuck along the way. At university I studied French, then trained to be a psychotherapist, massage therapist and now a funeral and wedding celebrant!
A student who did not get the expected exam result may one day become the adult who discovers a totally unexpected unique talent.
Maybe our conversations with young people need to change?
Instead of asking only, “What did you get?”, perhaps we should ask, “How do you feel?”, “What did you enjoy learning?”, “What are you curious about?”, “What would you like to try next?”, and perhaps most importantly, “Remember, whatever is written on that piece of paper does not define you.”
Young people need encouragement, not comparison, and to know their parents will still be proud of them, even when results are disappointing, and to understand that their true worth does not rise or fall with a grade.
Exams are only one chapter in life. Most folks rarely remember exactly what results they got! They remember those they loved, the lives they touched, the challenges they overcame, the laughter they shared and the difference they made. That is success too.
Remember, as our lives and planet change, success should no longer simply be about certificates. It’s about becoming someone you can respect and trust. It is about rising to challenges, helping others, coping with difficulties, treating other people with kindness, knowing how to recover from disappointment, learning how to keep moving forward and always telling the truth.
Perhaps this is the kind of success we need to talk about in these changing times.
