CHOICES SHAPE YOUR FUTURE
By Judith Ashton
This year, forget the wrapping paper, the ribbons and the bows. We all have so much stuff… do we really need more? We can all get in a panic about buying presents which increasingly end up being recycled the following year!
The best present in my opinion is “TO BE PRESENT”. There is endless talk about “mindfulness”, so much so that I can hardly bear the word anymore…It’s an ancient meditation technique, like so many, rooted in the observation of the breath. The breath is the constant accompaniment to our lives and the one we pay the least attention to. If we start to be aware of the rhythms of our breathing we might just, become more focused in the present moment, thought processes slow down and we get more control of our thoughts, reactions and emotions. Simple as that! ( But actually very difficult for any seasoned meditator, as it is a constant practice to return and return to the present moment)
Most people live with only partial attention to their everyday lives. We get through the day almost thoughtlessly with one thought constantly arising after the other. We jump from one impulse to the other like a bee going from flower to flower and we tend to identify with each thought and impulse as if it were real. As a great teacher once said, “The mind is like a drunk monkey being stung by bees!” Sadly, this is true.
The mind can be your best friend or conversely, your worst enemy…it can be calm or turbulent, full of drama and your very own soap opera. I heard someone say, “We have guided missiles but misguided leaders!” How many great wise leaders do we have in our world…. Are they leading us towards peace and wisdom or down the proverbial garden path? Some are highly reactive and constantly change their mind? How many come from true stillness, silence and great insight?
I am a fairly calm person, ask anyone who knows me. I do my best to stay as grounded as possible. I spend time in solitude and silence and can give attention where necessary. The one thing however that really annoys me is, “continuous partial attention”. It is THE most difficult thing for me to deal with. It is when the people I am with are distracted and this generally means checking or being aware of their phone. It not ringing or buzzing but the person is simply holding it with some level of expectation or occasionally glancing at it. In this moment, I note that I feel slightly irritated, I’m not getting their full attention. The very presence of the phone, sends me a psychological message that the person is simply not 100% present.
Are you constantly checking your phone? Do you carry it with you all the time? If so, you are addicted and not present. You are addicted…. Admit it! If you want to be present, leave it somewhere, turn it off, put it on airplane mode…. Just unhook and your friends and family will feel that you are actually “turning up” to be there with them … It’s a present. A gift to your poor over stimulated brain and your weary companions.
It is tragic to see couples or families out in a restaurant checking their phones. OK, if you are a doctor on call or a fireman, I get it, but if you are a normal person, please ditch the phone. Your distraction actually hurts the people around you.
Over the last few years I spoke to 20,000+ children and I asked them how they felt if they were trying to talk to a person who was distracted by their phone. These were their words: Unseen, hurt, depressed, angry, not cared for, sad, unloved, not listened too, resigned, bored etc., all, have negative connotations. Not one child was thrilled or happy and I believe they were speaking for us all. We all feel irritated by phone distraction. People need to wake up to the damage phones are doing to their lives and relationships and the big irony here is they are meant to be modes of communication. Far from it! They have become modes of isolation and total lack of communication!
What can we do about this over Christmas? We have a choice! Put phones away! Cop on and be the best present that you can be. Life is short… BE PRESENT and have a Happy Christmas.
www.judithashton.com
