AS I SEE IT
BY MARIANNE HERON
There is a kickback going among some men who feel that their masculinity is under attack. At the same time there are courses online and in person about how to be a man, which might not appeal to the macho types who feel their manhood is under threat.
Then there is President Trump who, in his inaugural speech, declared that there are only two genders. He probably meant only two sexes, gender being a social construct rather than sex which is a biological definition.
Perhaps these are all symptoms of the confusion and the conversations going on around what it means to be a man, given the rapid change in gendered roles. If, as a woman you can be a CEO in the tough business world and out-earn your partner, where does that leave the traditional role of the guy, who until a generation or two ago was expected to be the strong protector who brought home the bacon?
The move to equality of opportunity should make things fairer; women, though, have been doing most of the moving and some men may experience this as encroachment on their territory.
In a way Donald J. Trump’s election is symptomatic of the wish among voters – especially young males – to turn the clock back to a time when ‘men were men’ and worked in the automotive industry or set the oil drills drilling and Make America Great Again.
Part of men’s feeling that they are under attack stems from campaigns like ‘Me Too’ which calls out predatory behaviour and rape by men – and the use of the term ‘toxic masculinity’ in relation to highly publicised rape trials and cases of violence against, and coercive control over, women. More women – like Giselle Pelicot – are bravely waiving their anonymity to and speaking out to encourage other women to end the abuse they are suffering.
The trouble is that linking toxicity to masculinity can be taken to implicate all men whereas rape, violence and coercive control are crimes and have nothing to do with valued qualities of masculinity. This can cause males to feel that they are being shamed or can alienate them from debate on the subject. Maybe the two words should be divorced.
The educational resource developed by DCU’s Anti-Bullying Centre (ABC) for parents and teachers has this to say: “The term ‘toxic masculinity’ has been used to describe a range of harmful attitudes and behaviours that have historically been associated with masculinity, such as emotional stoicism, dominance, misogyny, sexual entitlement to women and violence.
“In a social and cultural context where masculinity can be framed as ‘toxic’ or negative, there is a need to create a more positive culture around masculinity and what it means to be a man — especially for teenage boys and young men, which should involve promoting positive male role models and a masculine identity they can aspire to.
“Ultimately, these initiatives should aim to support boys and men in building healthy, respectful and equitable social relationships. In addition, these initiatives should explore how boys and men can embrace positive gendered traits associated with both masculinity (eg. courage, assertiveness and strength) and femininity (eg. being emotionally open, caring and empathetic) and the various ways they can put these into practice in their own lives in constructive ways.”
Children’s ideas about how to be in the world, once shaped by parents, teachers and society, are now influenced by what they find on the internet, some of it troubling. How much is porn to blame for the way some men over-sexualise women and to feel entitlement to their bodies? Why allow porn, why not material about the art of love making? Then there are influencers like controversial Andrew Tate who offers a male supremacist, misogynistic view of masculinity to youths.
Some sites promoting courses on masculinity use terms which are stereotypical – leadership, physical fitness, relationship mastery (!) powerful, strong, epic. Do we really need a formula which sounds like Batman at his best for what is expected of men?
When I think of some of the qualities that I admire like wisdom, fairness, competence and a sense of humour, aren’t they qualities that can apply equally to both men and women?
At the end of the day people are all different but may hopefully find their own fulfilling place in the varied spectrum of humanity.
