FURTHERMORE
By Gerry Moran
And so another birthday is coming around. A big one, Gerry? Listen, they’re all big now if for no other reason than that I’m still around. ‘Still standing’ to quote that great survivor Elton John. Indeed several of my contemporaries are no longer around. Who is around, however, is a great friend who never fails to send me a birthday card. This is what he sent me this year:
Cancer (the crab) June 22 – July 23 with an illustration of a goofy looking crab surrounded by the following words: Over imaginative. Dreamer. Nonconformist. Intense. Brooding. Moody. Touchy. Needy. Overly sensitive. Possessive. Enigmatic. Over emotional. Introspective. Likes attention. Suspicious. Tactless. Sulky. Self-absorbed. Crabby.
And after all those descriptions of Gerry, the crab, inside the card, I read the following: “Nicer than everyone else.’:Ah, all is forgiven, J. All is forgiven.
And I always think of the great American stand-up comic George Carlin when it comes to birthdays. Here are George’s views on ageing:
“Do you realise that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10-years-old, you’re so excited about ageing that you think in fractions. ‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m four and a half!’ You’re never 36 and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. ‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m gonna be 16!’ You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life: you become 21. Yesss. Even the words sound like a ceremony. You become 21. But then you turn 30. Oh. Oh. What happened there? Makes you sound like sour milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re just a sour-drink. What’s wrong? What’s changed? You become 21, you turn 30, then you’re pushing 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you reach 50 and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You make it to 60. You didn’t think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70!
After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards: “ I was JUST 92.” Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!
So, how to stay young… Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.
* Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
* Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
* Enjoy the simple things.
* Laugh often, long and loud.
* Tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
* Surround yourself with what you love whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies whatever. Your home is your refuge.
* Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
* Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the shops, even to the next county; to a foreign country but not to where the guilt is.
* And always remember that old adage: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Finally, you know you’re getting old when, by the time you’ve lit the last candle on your birthday cake, the first one has burned out.
