FURTHERMORE
By Gerry Moran
Her name is Lara. She is tall, thin, tanned and beautiful. She is standing across the room from me and, without fanfare or fuss, says firmly but gently: “I want you to take off everything, please”. Lara doesn’t emphasise the word everything. I do. Or rather my brain does.
The word everything reverberates around my brain bringing on a modicum of concern if not minor panic! Does she really mean everything? I am concerned because like any decent, down-to-earth male, I know that there are only two women on planet earth with whom it is right and proper for a man to take off everything, and strip naked, and they are: your mother and your wife… oh, and possibly your nurse.
Lara is none of the above. Lara is Croatian and she has the most hypnotic dark brown eyes. Lara is also my masseuse and she is about to introduce me to Lomi Lomi Nui which is not an exotic cocktail or esoteric dish but a Hawaiian massage. Lomi Lomi Nui is the Queen of Massages according to my brochure which leaves me wondering what the King of Massages might be like?
Lara herself looks rather regal. She has pose and poise, looks elegantly strong and I know that I’m in good hands. As it happens Lara is giving me this Hawaiian massage in the health spa of our Croatian hotel. As I slowly and shyly remove every piece of clothing – bar my boxer-shorts – and neatly put them to one side I wonder if I actually heard Lara correctly. Did she really say everything or was that something I imagined? And so I give a little civilised cough and timidly ask: “Did you say everything?” “I did”. She did.
And so I drop my boxer shorts. And as I stand there, naked as the day I was born, I am desperately wondering what to do? Do I just turn around and buck-naked hop up on the couch? Before I can formulate my thoughts fully, however, Lara is by my side and offering me a towel. As I lay prostrate on the couch Lara swiftly and judiciously draped the towel around me and I felt like John the Baptist lying there with a towel instead of a loincloth safeguarding my, thereby shielding, my nether regions from any undue embarrassment.
I ‘jewels’ as Lara proceeded to give me the massage of a lifetime. Suffice it to say that Lara’s skill as a masseuse was equaled by her skill in manoeuvering that towel and protecting my privates at all times. Ideally the Lomi Lomi Nui is given by four arms but seeing as how Lara had only two we made do with that. In fairness to Lara, however, there were times when I felt like I was being massaged by four hands, times when I felt like I was swimming in oils and evaporating in exotic, relaxing aromas.
Mind you there were a few scary moments also when Lara starting stretching parts of my anatomy that hadn’t been stretched since…..since I can’t remember when. Overall, however, the Lomi Lomi Nui was a wonderful, relaxing experience. To quote the brochure: “Feelings of royal majesty are generated by the Hawaiian Massage in an ocean of fragrance, music and gentle stroking with passion; it is akin to experiencing a little piece of paradise. For many it is the royal discipline of the art of massage.”
I recommend you treat yourself to one before they’re declared illegal!
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The beautiful walled town of Dubrovnik is a must see if you’re ever in Croatia. Dubrovnik was once a republic and was one of the first countries in the world to recognise the newly independent United State of America in 1776. It also passed a resolution abolishing slavery and forbidding the transportation of slaves in January 1416; the first state in Europe to do so.
And then there’s the cravat, an item of clothing that I have never worn, but which originated in Croatia. Croatian mercenaries wore the linen scarf while serving in the French army in the 17th century. It became fashionable with the French aristocracy especially after being adopted by King Louis XIV (1638-1715) who reigned for 72 years and 110 days – the longest of any monarch in history.
